The Real Slayer
by infinity-x-forever
Summary: This is an alternate ending to the season 6 episode "Normal Again". Buffy can't cope with the guilt of almost killing her friends and goes on the run.
1. Default Chapter

Buffy stared at the dead demon lying on the floor, then at its blood on her hands. The thing had made her delusional, made her crazy. Made her homicidal. She looked up at her friends, Willow was moving towards her, as was Xander. Tara was helping Dawn up from the floor. Buffy stared at them, speechless. She had just tied them up and let a demon loose on them. She had tried to kill them.  
  
"I'm so sorry." She finally managed, wiping the blood on her sweater. She glanced over to see if Dawn was ok, she was. But there was a look in the teenager's eye, something Buffy had seen in her sister before. Anger.  
  
And it was overwhelming.  
  
Willow moved towards Buffy but the slayer backed away. Willow's expression moved into one of confusion. "Buffy, are you ok?"  
  
"I'm f-fine, I." Buffy's head went into a muddle of thoughts. She had tried to kill her friends. Could they forgive her? Would they? Would Willow make up another antidote?  
  
She only knew one thing at the moment. She needed to go. Her eyes avoiding her friends, Buffy turned and ran up the basement stairs, up into the house. Then she walked quickly to the door and left the house. She was in such a panic that she almost didn't hear her friends shouting her name from the basement.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
The graveyard was silent and still. No vampires were awakening; none were patrolling for their next meal. She was alone. Somehow that was comforting.  
  
Buffy sat staring at one of the graves, unable to pull her eyes away. That person could have risen from the grave and continued a life as a creature of the night. Or that person could be resting in peace, like the dead should do, unaware of what was going on above the. However, the slayer knew what they were doing though, who that person was.  
  
It was her own grave she was staring at.  
  
Obviously the deaths had slowed down in Sunnydale so they didn't need to replace her grave with another unfortunate person's body. There it was, a constant reminder that above ground wasn't her rightful place. She read the words over and over again.  
  
'Loving Sister'. Dawn was as bad as a teenager could get. She had been stealing, even from Anya at the Magic Box. She had been skipping school, putting her whole future in jeopardy. Buffy had hoped that Dawn would one day be able to leave her care and lead her own life. One that didn't involved vampires, Hell Gods or a sister who has to slay them all. Loving sister? The social services had tried to take Dawn away, and Buffy had to resort to unnatural measures to ensure her sister's custody. If she hadn't, Dawn would be gone. Buffy was not the Loving Sister.  
  
'Devoted friend'. Willow had been drowning in magic and dark arts and Buffy hadn't even noticed it. Tara had left her best friend and Buffy was too busy to give Willow any real attention or comfort. Devoted friend? She was lucky that the witch was still living in the same house as her. Xander and Anya? During the disastrous wedding ceremony, it hadn't even occurred to Buffy to find her friends. She stood up at the front and told jokes, hoping it would all blow over. Now Anya was missing and Xander was a wreck. But above all else, the slayer had just abused her power and tried to kill someone. Several. They were the people who had stood by her for over six years, whenever she was down they were always at her side; and she'd tried to kill them.  
  
Buffy carried on staring at her grave, tears were beginning to appear in her eyes. Tara may have been right, saying that she hadn't come back wrong. But the witch had said it herself - she had come back different. She wasn't special; she didn't come back as she was. She had definitely left something in that grave, something that made her human. That was why she felt so bad, that was why Spike could hit her. She was no better than the usual things that rose up from cemeteries.  
  
"You ok there love? Your head all cleared up?" Spike stood a few feet behind her, a cigarette in his hand and a bag of vampire essentials in the other. He threw the cigarette down and stamped it into the ground.  
  
Buffy didn't answer him, she just let her head drop and brought a hand up to her eyes, wiping away the tears that were very obvious now. She let out a sob and the tears now flowed free, streaming down her face. She held her head in her hands and cried.  
  
Spike's expression changed to one of worry. He dropped the bag, not caring about the fragile glasses of blood in there and sat down beside Buffy, trying to pry her hands away from her face. He succeeded and she finally looked at him, still sobbing. The vampire put his arm round her and held her close, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. The slayer didn't resist and she carried on crying into Spike's chest.  
  
Spike rested his head on top of Buffy's. "Its alright love, shhh." He stood up and helped her up as well. "Come on, lets get you back to my crypt." He began walking, still with his arm around her. She had stopped crying now but she was too upset to argue. Or say anything for that matter.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Buffy winced as the door of Spike's crypt squeaked open, everything was scaring her at the moment. He held the door open and she walked through it, her arms wrapped round herself. Other than being cold, she was feeling rather protective of herself. As she heard the door close, she wiped her eyes and looked around. This place was almost as familiar as her own home, she'd spent a lot of time here in the past few months. She took the liberty of sitting down on the chair in front of the TV and clasped her hands in her lap.  
  
Spike walked over to her and sat on the stone coffin about six feet away from her, looking at her. There was an awkward moment until Buffy looked sadly up at him. He managed a sympathetic smile, although it was obvious he was trying to work out what had made her so upset. "So you gonna tell me what happened?"  
  
Buffy broke their eye contact and resumed staring at the floor. "I can't go back. I can't go back there."  
  
"Go back where?" Spike enquired, looking confused. "Did you quit the Doublemeat Palace? Can't say I'm bloody surprised, I told you that place would kill you."  
  
Buffy remained stationary. "No. Its not that. I." she tailed off, not wanting to say the words. "I hurt them, I tied them up - I released the demon -I tried to kill."  
  
She started crying again, leaning forward over her lap. Spike moved off the coffin towards her, understanding slightly. He placed himself on the TV table and put his hands over hers. She moved her eyes to meet his, still crying.  
  
"I can't go back there Spike - I can't, I couldn't face - they'd hate me." Her words were barely articulate she was so upset.  
  
Spike raised a hand to her face and stroked her cheek. "Its ok pet, its fine."  
  
She stopped crying and looked round. He stood up and looked round the crypt for something to give her, he had a feeling that she wasn't going to like blood. He saw something under the TV, smiled and retrieved it, an un- opened packet of crisps. He dropped them on her lap.  
  
"Clem must've left 'em behind last time he was here, lazy bugger. I'll get you some more stuff if you want, but they'll have to do for now. They're fresh I think."  
  
Buffy almost managed a smile, ignoring the packet. "I'm not hungry."  
  
"You tired?" Spike asked, almost playfully. "I got the bed fixed up after you and your soldier boy blew it to pieces. Ain't five star but it does the job."  
  
Buffy looked up at him, picking up on what his real agenda was, what it had been since she broke off their relationship a few weeks ago. Spike read her look and stepped back, his hands up by his shoulders as if he was going to be shot. "Hey, no funny business I promise. I can tell when you ain't in the mood."  
  
The slayer stood up, arms still wrapped round herself and walked to the back of the crypt where the stairway was. She crouched and place a foot on the top step, climbing down. She hesitated and glanced at Spike, who was watching her. She managed a small smile and then continued down. 


	2. Chapter 2

iDarkness. As the slayer walked through the graveyard, she couldn't help reading the gravestones. William Jones, Kelly Hart, Dominic Silvers. All people who she did not know, hopefully they were resting in peace. She turned to read the next line of graves and froze in shock.  
  
Willow Rosenburg  
  
Alexander Harris  
  
Dawn Summers  
  
Her friends.  
  
She took a step back, trying not to face the reality until she bumped into someone. She turned round quickly and found herself looking into the eyes of Xander. Only these eyes were yellow and were in the middle of a horribly disfigured face. He smiled, his eyes filled with hatred and evil.  
  
She backed away from and hit something else, she swung round to find Willow, also with vampiric features. Willow pushed her into Xander who held her arms to her sides.  
  
"Whats the matter friend?" he whispered into her ear. "Don't feel like killing us again?"  
  
Willow grabbed Buffy's chin and held the slayer's face to her own. " You sure? Don't want to put some icing on the cake?"  
  
Buffy struggled and kicked Willow away from her. She wrenched herself free, turned and punched Xander. She looked over her shoulder and back- kicked Willow, who was coming in for another attack. With both vampires on the floor, she turned to run away, only to be caught in the grasp of her sister.  
  
Dawn wrapped her hands round Buffy's throat and held her two feet from the ground. The slayer's legs kicked wildly while her hands tried to free her sister's grip. Dawn's vampire face grinned at Buffy's attempts to free herself.  
  
"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it." she said, nothing save evil in her voice. "Be brave, live for me. I want to see you die."  
  
Willow and Xander each grabbed one of Buffy's arms as Dawn let her go, before punching her in the chest. The slayer went flying backward and landed hard on the ground as the three vampires approached her. She searched her pockets for some sort of defence and found a stake.  
  
She rolled backwards onto her feet and kicked Xander, before burying the wooden weapon in his chest. She ducked a punch from Willow, and plunged the stake into her un-beating heart. She took a step back from her two best friends as they turned to dust almost simultaneously. She collided with something that wrapped it's arm around her throat. Buffy grabbed the arm and pulled her sister over shoulder and onto the floor in front of her. She did not hesitate before staking Dawn. The shock on her the child vampire's face was still evident as she crumbled to dust.  
  
The slayer was alone once more. She had killed her friends. Again. She stared down at the murder weapon. It was Mr. Pointy, the weapon Kendra had entrusted her with before she died./i  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Buffy's eyes snapped open and roved over the room she was in. She found herself slightly reassured when she recognised Spike's bedroom, the room she used to wake up to regularly within the past few months. She wrapped a sheet around herself and rose from the bed, heading towards the bathroom.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
The slayer climbed the stepladder up to the main floor of the crypt and saw sunlight flooding in, lighting up most of the room. She was dressed in her pants from yesterday and one of Spike's shirts, hoping he wouldn't mind. No sign of the man himself.  
  
Buffy walked into the sunlight, wincing slightly at it's brightness. She sat down in Spike's chair, legs crossed and leant on her arm, deep in thought. What was she going to do now? She couldn't face going back to the house; it was just too much. Even if her friends forgave her, it would always be in the back of her mind, what she had done to them. Especially Dawn, the teen wasn't in the best of moods with her sister lately and this could only make things worse.  
  
Buffy wouldn't have liked to admit it, but the stress was building up before yesterday's events. She was working to bring money in during the day, doing her family duties. In the evenings, she was usually patrolling until late, doing her slayer duties. She was both physically and mentally exhausted.  
  
The thought crossed her mind to never go back there. She had survived on her own before, and then she was seventeen. She could do at twenty years old easily.  
  
She quickly shook her head, trying to rid the thought from her mind but it would not go away. Her memory flashed back to the last few months, statements made from various people. She closed her eyes and tried to register the sounds and images that were becoming a montage.  
  
'You came back wrong.'  
  
'You've been going at it too hard Buff, we hardly ever see ya.'  
  
'You are looking a little pounded.'  
  
'Not like I knew you'd be here, you're never home.'  
  
'You belong in the shadows.'  
  
'You're addicted to the misery.'  
  
Buffy's eyes flickered open. So many people had been hinting to her for so long, and she had just dismissed it. No wonder she felt like this. No wonder she had fled into the arms of a vampire.  
  
She had been having sex with Spike to try and relieve the stress. She had even admitted it to Tara, the only time she felt anything was when she was with him. However wrong it felt, it gave her an escape. Now she was back with him, she had a problem and she was in his arms again. She wasn't better than she thought. 


	3. Chapter 3

"You do know that thing is off don't you?"  
  
Buffy lifted her head and looked towards Spike. "What?"  
  
Spike grinned as he finished climbing up the ladder. "You were staring at the TV like your life depended on it. Just wanted to remind you that it's off."  
  
"Oh" she said, a little embarrassed. "Right."  
  
He put a bag of stuff on top off one of the stone slabs and looked suspiciously at her. "Is that my shirt?"  
  
"Yeah, I borrowed it. Sorry, mine is just a bit." she trailed off. "Sorry."  
  
"Hey, its no problem" he reassured her. "So, sleep well?"  
  
Buffy muttered, "Yeah."  
  
"Terrific," he said sarcastically, unpacking a few things. When he finished, he lit up a cigarette and sat leant against the wall. "So, what are your plans now?"  
  
Buffy leant back in the chair. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean, now that you've slept here for the night, what are you gonna do now? Last time you spent the night here you found it hard to give it up for the next few weeks."  
  
Spike raised his eyebrows suggestively. Buffy just stared at him, a small smile starting to form. He may not be the nicest of all people but he did make her laugh occasionally.  
  
Before she had a chance to respond, they both whipped their heads towards the direction of the door, both picking up the sound of footsteps. One of the things they did have in common was a heightened sense of hearing, supernatural of course. As they listened, Buffy recognised the voices of her friends. She looked at Spike is alarm. He read her mind immediately and nodded towards the stone coffin at the other end of the room.  
  
They both moved towards the object, the vampire pulling the lid aside and the slayer jumping in. When she was safely inside, he pulled the lid across, locking her in and sat cross-legged on the top, still smoking.  
  
After a few moments, Xander opened the door, Tara behind him. Spike grinned. "Well well, it's the Lord of the Un-used wedding Rings. Chickened out again did ya mate? Want a place to crash?"  
  
Before Xander got angry, Tara pushed him backwards, giving him a look that said 'Calm down'. He obeyed, and stood back by the door, leaving her to explain the reason why they were here.  
  
"Spike, we're looking for Buffy. She ran out of the house yesterday and we haven't seen her since, we're worried."  
  
The vampire just sighed and looked round. "Well, she ain't here as you can see." He stubbed out the cigarette in front of him, seeing the opening for information. "What happened?"  
  
"That demon? The one that made her crazy? Well, it looks as though she didn't take the antidote. She tied up Xander, Willow and Dawn and set the demon free on them." Tara explained.  
  
"She came to her senses before the demon got us," Xander added from the door, stepping forward a bit. "She killed it and then ran off."  
  
Spike looked a bit concerned. "Why did she run off?"  
  
Tara smiled slightly. "We don't know." She had an idea and turned to her friend by the door. "Xander, could you go get the car, I'll meet you outside in a minute."  
  
Xander looked a bit suspicious but obeyed, leaving Tara alone with Spike. When he was out of hearing range, she turned to the vampire.  
  
"Look, Buffy told me. about you and her. what's been going on for the last few months. She made it sound like you would be the person she'd go to in a situation like this. Honestly Spike, have you seen her?"  
  
He looked down, not sure what to say. Inside the coffin, Buffy cringed slightly, hoping he'd say the right answer. Spike just sighed. "Honestly Tara, I haven't seen her." He heard a small sigh from beneath him.  
  
"Ok" the witch said, smiling appreciatively at him and started towards the door. "If you see her, can you get her to contact one of us."  
  
"Good luck with the search." He shouted after her but she'd already gone. He jumped off of the coffin and slid the lid aside, holding his hand out.  
  
Buffy took it and climbed out, coughing a little. "Thanks." She said.  
  
"No problem," he said. "So that's what happened?" "Yeah, that's what happened." She replied shyly, leaning against the large stone coffin.  
  
"Well I can see why you'd want to get away." Spike muttered. Then he reached over and placed his hand on Buffy's shoulder. She looked at him, almost helplessly.  
  
"You know you can stay here for as long as you want" he said with a sympathetic smile. She looked at the floor and finally back up at the vampire.  
  
"Thank you." She said with a smile. "I appreciate it." She flopped back down into Spike's chair, almost as though she owned it. She raised her hand to her forehead as if her brain was aching. She never thought in a million years that she'd been staying in a vampire's lair, least of all Spike's. One could never predict these things though, not even those ancient prophecies Giles used to have his head buried in back in Sunnydale Library. Her mind was cast back into the memories that the library held.  
  
Giles was usually in his office sorting out one of her assignments for the night, either a particular vampire that would rise or a demon that he knew was nesting in a particular area.  
  
Willow was usually at the computer checking the hospitals and funeral parlours for any suspicious deaths that may be from a vampire. As she once said, she was the only person in school to have the City Morgue in her favourites.  
  
Xander and Cordelia were often sitting in the corner helping Giles with research or bickering. Theirs was a volatile relationship so it wasn't exactly a surprise when they finished.  
  
And Dawn. Her sister Dawn. Often with her mom at her Gallery, Buffy was compelled to take care of her sister after school. Usually the small brunette was tucked up in the corner doing homework or reading a book on Witchcraft she'd sneaked from the shelf.  
  
Those were the times that stuck in her memory, their slayer circle. The Scooby Gang. From a time when she had her whole life ahead of her.  
  
She could not completely forget about her friends, even if it was just responsibilities to them. The same ones she'd faced when she came back from the dead. Money, Food, Routines. She also felt under obligation to let her friends know she was okay. 


	4. Chapter 4

Willow sat at her laptop frantically looking through every motel and bedsit Sunnydale possessed, trying to find something that would lead her to Buffy. After she ran out yesterday, she, Xander, Dawn and Tara had been searching the town attempting to find her. They had no luck.  
  
She decided to take a break and check the mailbox to see if they had anything. This was usually Buffy's job, ever since Joyce had died, her best friend had been drowning in bills to pay. Luckily, she had sorted most of it, getting herself a job at the Doublemeat Palace and took care of Dawn at the same time. Willow had no idea why Buffy would suddenly run off like this.  
  
She picked up three letters from the doormat, one looked like a bill, the other looked like a paycheque from the Doublemeat - something they could really use. She tossed them on the table and examined the third, it looked a lot like Buffy's handwriting. She opened it and found a cheque payable to Willow's name. A horrible sinking feeling began to rise in her stomach and read the letter. As she read, her expression became sadder and sadder. When she finally finished, she was almost crying.  
  
"Hey Will'," Xander greeted his friend as he strolled in. "Any luck with the Buffy search?"  
  
She didn't answer; she only passed him the letter and looked at the floor. As Xander read the letter for himself, his face dropped. When he had finished, he placed it on the table.  
  
"What are we going to do?" he asked his friend.  
  
Willow sighed heavily, she was overwhelmed. Buffy had almost literally loaded the weight of their family's responsibilities onto her shoulders. It reminded her of the summer of 1998 when the slayer had fled to Los Angeles after several bad pieces of luck. It crossed her mind that maybe her friend had gone there again, but quickly exited when she remembered that LA was Angel's city. Buffy wouldn't run the risk of being caught.  
  
"There's nothing much we can do" Willow finally managed. "This money should do us for a few months but then." she trailed off.  
  
Xander leaned over and place his hand on her shoulder. "I'll help anyway I can."  
  
She smiled appreciatively. "We should tell Dawn." She took a deep breath and called the teenager's name. Xander sat down and held his head in his hands. What was Buffy thinking?  
  
* * * * * *  
  
On the second floor of the house, things were silent. For once, Dawn Summers didn't have her music on loud, instead she was lying on her bed reading a book. The wind blew gently through her window. All the windows in the house were open as it was so hot. Including Buffy's.  
  
The Slayer appeared at the window of her bedroom, stepping carefully inside. She heard Dawn rustling her magazines next-door, and fought back a few tears before closing the door carefully. Confident that she wouldn't be noticed, she pulled a bag from underneath her bed and threw it to the end, walking quickly over to her wardrobe and removing a few items of clothing.  
  
When she was done with clothes, she dragged her old weapons box from the back of her wardrobe. Although she kept most downstairs in Xander's birthday box, she had left some in her room, just in case. She began taking out a few knives and a crossbow. She saw the infamous Mr. Pointy at the bottom, suddenly remembering her dream.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
She quickly looked towards the door and saw Dawn standing there. "What are you doing?" She ignored her sister's address and carried on packing.  
  
"You're running away," her sister confirmed, seeing the bag. Placing the last few weapons in the bag, she picked it up and headed towards the window again. Dawn ran forward and grabbed her arm. "Buffy wait, please."  
  
The Slayer stopped and looked into Dawn's eyes, her tears liberated and rolling down her cheeks. Her crying was contagious and now Dawn was doing the same.  
  
"Buffy, please don't go. not again."  
  
"I love you Dawn," she whispered in reply. "Never forget that." She leant forward and kissed the brunette's forehead. Then she pulled her arm back and hit her sister hard in face, knocking her unconscious. With a last look at the unconscious form on the floor, she disappeared out of the window. 


	5. Chapter 5

Still crying a little, Buffy made it across the cemetery to Spike's crypt. She paused outside the door to compose herself, wiping away tears and standing a little straighter. Then she pushed the door open confidently and walked in. The landlord was slouched in his chair watching the television.  
  
"You know, that door never used to annoy me until you started turning up here regularly," he commented, still watching his show. "Now I just wanna rip it off its bloody hinges."  
  
"Sorry" His guest replied, looking down at her feet. She closed the object in question behind her and headed towards the ladder that led down to the lower level. Throwing her bag down the hole, she slowly descended.  
  
"So, everything go alright at the fortress of Summers? Got what you wanted?" he called out, still slouched pathetically over his chair.  
  
"Yeah" Buffy called out from the lower level. "I got everything." She started to climb back up, and almost fell back down in shock when she saw Spike crouched by the hole in the top. She had forgotten, vampires could move a lot faster than humans. He was on the same eye level as her so it felt like he could read her mind.  
  
"So why do you seem doomier and gloomier than you left?" he asked.  
  
"Would you be Mrs Sunshine if you had just cried to kill your friends?" She asked rhetorically, with some residual cheerleader bitchiness in her voice. She hauled herself out and walked to the darkest corner of the crypt, her back to him.  
  
"Well, yeah I would personally 'cause I'm evil," he said, getting up. "But that's not the point."  
  
He followed and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. She winced but did not shrug them off.  
  
"The point is that I hate to see you unhappy," he continued. "I'm willing to play Landlord to the runaways until the end of the world, but if you're gonna sit here and mope until that happens, it sure ain't gonna be the best end to my un-life."  
  
In front of him, Buffy remained unchanged. Tears were still streaming down her face and her eyes were staring at the flickering flame of a candle on the wall. 'What was that song called, the one Elton John had wrote for Princess Diana?' she asked herself. Candle in the Wind. Always flickering but never going out. She felt like that. Even her low point, dying for example, never kept her down and she kept on burning. She'd lived longer than most Slayers in history, and all because she refused to be put down. She had something they didn't, she had something to live for. Friends. family. Just like Spike had said, it was the only reason she'd lasted so long.  
  
But now they were gone. The only thing she had going for her was her calling as the Slayer. She'd probably meet the end the way that the Chinese and New York Slayer had. Embracing death, even begging it for taking her. Though she already knew that feeling, when she'd jumped into the portal. It was her time, her friends would've been safe. The peace she'd had in Heaven made dying just that little bit more appealing.  
  
Slowly, she turned to face Spike, not looking at him in the eye. He tilted her chin up and offered the best sympathetic smile he could manage. It was enough for Buffy. Her silent tears turned into a river and sobbing, she buried her head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.  
  
After a few minutes, she pulled back and wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. Then she looked up at Spike. He was still looking sympathetic. Lying had never been one of his strong points so she knew it was genuine. Slowly, they leaned towards each other, one not advancing any faster than the other. Their lips connected and they kissed, not with the fiery passion that had driven them before, but with tenderness. With love.  
  
Buffy laid her hands on his chest and, while still kissing, undid his shirt and slipped it off. Him, at the same time, pushed her jacket from her shoulders. When both pieces of clothing fell to the floor, so did they, shrinking to their knees. Buffy fell to the side, breaking their kiss and pulling Spike on top of her. Then they resumed while undoing each other's pants. 


End file.
